Why I Don't Give Myself Enough Credit.

Technically, I don't know why I don't give myself enough credit.

I think it's because when I critique myself I think about it over and over again, and what I should have done differently. I don't regret, I just don't forgive myself for messing up as quickly as I should.

A friend of mine always tells me that what he thinks is so great about me is the fact that I don't think I'm that great at all.

First of all, what the fuck does that mean? Second of all, is it a compliment?

Another friend of mine likes to tell me I've earned a pat on the back, and he actually gives them to me sincerely.

So as a pat on the back to myself, I'd like to say that I am doing very well. I am recovering nicely from having been out of work, and in a slew of bad luck, for almost 3 months. It's still an uphill battle, but I'm recovering, and feeling good about things. I am doing really well at my job. I am working as a Military Enrollment Counselor at the University of Phoenix, and at times it can be very trying, but I've developed some really positive relationships with my students and I actually LIKE helping them every day. My boss says that if my numbers remain the same for 6 months straight there are great transfer opportunities for me, like Spain and France and England... so I'm definitely thinking positively in that regard.

I have made a lot of friends here. I try very hard to keep up to date with their lives, even when I have a slew of my own shit going on, and I have learned that maintaining friendships takes a lot of work. It is hard for me because the last two years have been very tough. I experienced a lot of ups and downs, and if you want the truth things only really started changing for me once I realized they weren't going to change on their own. So in that time I've just been focused on keeping afloat, and I think a lot of my friends thought I wasn't interested in their lives. It's been a crazy transition, man... but I'm working on it. I'm proud of myself. And I'm proud of the connections I've made and maintained over the years. I love my friends, indefinitely, however fucked up they might be... and however fucked up I might be as well, shit.

I feel better. Peace.